Not for the faint hearted..

Guess it's time i do something about it..

i am about to breakdown..

all the nonsense.. i had enough

why give me life when i dont even wan it.. its a torture.. mental torture..

lets just ignore how much it is going to hurt me mentally... the pressure itself is unbearable..

i am just another going-on-19 young adults like any.. yet.. i dont feel that i am going-on-19... i felt that i would have been 50 soon.. maybe i am really fated to die young.. like i always joke about that i will die at the age of 23.. i really hope i do thou..

i cant imagine wat is coming up for me.. maybe i should have just be a quiet and do-nothing-unless-you-tell-me kind of person.. being commentless, no opinion, no recommendation..

what is the point of being the best if you arent happy when you are at the top?

i sometime really wonder.. how people become so ruthless in order to be at the top.. maybe not ruthless.. maybe i should say it is how they make themselves feel good about it.. i dont feel gd when people put me up.. i feel uneasy, stress, dont feel like continuing wat i am doing.. i really dunno wat is so good about being at the top.. maybe i am just another idiot who have brain damage.. since wat i wan really differs me from the average mankind..

havent felt so sucky for 2 years plus le.. guess i am going to live my old life again.. back to those that i am never home when someone is awake.. and never awake before everyone is out..

maybe nobody cares.. but i guess i need to tell my bloggie this..
while typing this whole post.. my face.. expressionless.. the same old look that people use to see 3 years ago.. the dead face.. no expression, no smile, just 2 lines as eyes.. look dead, robotic..

everything came at the same time.. i cant handle all this emotions.. my brain.. honestly.. is almost half dead.. i can no longer give facial expression nor cry.. the nerves.. have overworked.. it just wont do anything to make me feel better anymore..

i guess the whole post is in a mess.. maybe the sequence will make people go giddy.. but i guess tats the result of being half brain dead.. i apologise for it.. sorry all the readers.. make u feel so stupid to read such a long and messy post..

sometimes,

I just wished

I weren't bornt!